so im filling out an application for this GLSEN thing and i just sort of
Take, for example, the heterosexual woman who later develops an attraction to women, and begins to identify as bisexual or lesbian. She may have experienced this attraction throughout her life and not picked up on it—perhaps she didn’t meet the right woman, or she was living in a repressive environment where homosexuality was not accepted. Or maybe her sexual orientation actively shifted. The attitudes of those around her will be dismissive and unpleasant, as people attempt to erase both her past as a heterosexual and her present as a gay or bi woman.
Though her sexuality has shifted, she remains fundamentally the same woman. Her past history doesn’t magically vanish, and she may even look back on it with fondness or gratitude for the relationships she had. Likewise, people may move through other sexual orientations depending on circumstances, their current stage of life, and other factors; the asexual who later realizes he’s gay, the lesbian woman who develops a bisexual attraction.
Coming out is not for everyone.
Words by Krista, illustration by Allegra.
Really really good piece about the dangers of coming out and the subtle or not-so-subtle pressure on people to come out and represent their interest group. It’s important to remind ourselves that our safety is paramount, as is our right to avoid harassing or abusive situations.
things i am thinking about today: the insidiously fucked-up ways biphobia is hugely internalized in the bisexual community
because most, if not all, of the bisexual people i know (including myself) experience imposter syndrome related to their sexuality at some point. you know how it is - OH NO, I’VE ONLY CHECKED OUT LADIES TODAY, I’M ACTUALLY SECRETLY A LESBIAN, WHAT HAVE I DONE, or I’VE BEEN DATING THIS DUDE FOR A YEAR, I MUST BE STRAIGHT AFTER ALL, and it’s really disturbing every time? like you’re fooling everyone into believing you’re really, genuinely bi but here’s this incontrovertible evidence that you’re not?
and this is obviously a direct offshoot of that lovely ~lying bisexual~ trope; it’s okcupid saying that because most self-id-ing bisexual people only message women or only message men (ignoring, of course, that many bisexual people only use online dating for exclusively same-sex exploits because it’s so much easier to do the other offline); it’s dan savage saying most bi men are lying to their partners; it’s assuming that bi people in longer-term relationships have given up on their sexuality in favor of (partner-oriented)sexuality.
and just. man, biphobia really has done a number on us all.
If a person is bisexual and they date someone of another gender, they are not ‘now a heterosexual.’ They are still bisexual.
If a person is bisexual and they date someone of the same gender, they are not ‘now a homosexual.’ They are still bisexual.
If a person is bisexual and in a committed relationship, they do not stop being attracted to other genders than that of the person they are with. They may choose not to act on it, if they have decided to be monogamous, but their brain doesn’t turn that part off.
If a person tells you they are bisexual and you decide that you know the definition better than they do, you should probably rethink your approach.
THIS. I can’t even count how many times I’ve wanted or needed to say this to someone. Once is too many.
So, mister rich person who clearly is not reading this, when we say you’re “lucky,” we’re not saying you’re lucky in the way that a lottery winner is lucky. We’re saying that you’re lucky if you were born in a time and place where the hard work you’re good at (say, stock speculation) is valued over the hard work that other people are good at (say, landscaping, or poetry).
Or, if you don’t believe me, let billionaire investor Warren Buffett tell you: “If you stick me down in the middle of Bangladesh or Peru or someplace, you find out how much this talent is going to produce in the wrong kind of soil … I work in a market system that happens to reward what I do very well — disproportionately well.”
RIP Gad Beck, 88: Gad Beck, activist and last known gay Jewish Holocaust survivor, died Sunday. He was 88.
During World War II, Beck joined an underground resistance movement to fight the Nazi regime. In a daring act of heroism, he was able to rescue his boyfriend from a deportation center by impersonating a Hitler Youth.
After the war, Beck spent his life educating and advocating for Judaism and gay rights, and was the subject of a documentary in 2006. Friends lauded Beck for his signature wit and openness.
Reflecting on his life, Beck said, “God doesn’t punish for a life of love.”
This is incredibly intense. I have always believed that people can be extraordinarily complex, and there is no such thing as One True Way to marry, have sex, or love. I accept everyone for what they are and encourage them to be happy, be they gay, asexual, polyamorous, whatever so-called unusual thing. This is a story that I have never heard before! But it is a good one because the people telling it are happy and loving. In the end, that is what matters.
7. Why do you not choose to be “true to yourself” and live the gay lifestyle?First of all, I understand that when people refer to a “gay lifestyle” they are talking about a lifestyle that includes gay romantic and sexual relationships. But I want to point out that because I am gay, any lifestyle I choose is technically a “gay lifestyle.” Mine just looks different than other gay peoples’. My hope is that other gay people will be as accepting of my choices as they hope others would be of their choices.
Read the whole article. It’s quite good.
The Regnerus study shows how wretchedly unstable the households of most gay parents were in the years when gay sex and gay marriage were illegal. We have a chance now to do better. Don’t let the experiment fail.
That’s why we should take this study seriously. It tells both sides, including its author and its funders, difficult truths they need to hear. Family stability matters. And when same-sex couples are permitted, encouraged, and determined to provide that stability, kids do better. The left’s enlightenment about sexual orientation can be married to the right’s wisdom about family values. It won’t be easy. But it’s worth the effort.
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This is my youngest daughter, Ava. I felt that I needed to share the conversation she and I had after a school field trip today.
Ava: Mommy, we saw Princesses skating on the ice!!
Me: Wow!! Did you have fun?
Ava: Yeah, but there is a best part!!
Me: What was it?
Ava: We got to meet the Princesses and I asked Snow White if she had a boyfriend.
Me: (Laughing) Did you? What did she say?
Ava: She said she did and then she asked me if I had one!! And I said I had one, but I didn’t like him any more.
Me: Oh. Well, how come you don’t like him anymore?
Ava: Because I like my other friend now and then I got scared and asked her if I could still be a princess and she asked why so I told her that my friend I like is a girl and I want to have a girlfriend.
Me: (a bit surprised) Oh. Ok, well what did she tell you?
Ava: That’s the best part! She said that as long as I have love I already AM a Princess!!
Archie Comics has announced that Life With Archie #16, which features the wedding of Archie’s first gay character, Kevin Keller, has sold out despite (to spite?) the objections of the American Family Association’s One Million Moms project.
The conservative group called for a boycott of toy chain Toys R Us last week over the company’s decision to stock the Archie issue.
The issues were removed from Toys R Us shelves, but not in the way One Million Moms hoped they would be.
Archie Comics CEO Jon Goldwater says the group “has a right to their opinion,” but Kevin Keller isn’t going anywhere.
“Kevin will always be a major part of Riverdale, and we’re overjoyed, honored and humbled by the response to this issue,” he said in a statement. “Our fans have come out full force to support Kevin. He is, without a doubt, the most important new character in Archie history. He’s here to stay.”
This position neither endorses nor rejects such relationships. And because the distinction is one of process (how to make an informed decision), rather than substance, it clearly distinguishes same-sex marriage from polygamy and polyandry, without stigmatizing the latter. Now, it may alarm some people not to totally shut the door to legitimized polyamory. Maybe it’s not a strong enough rebuke to curry favor with some conservatives. But it is the only intellectually responsible position for LGBT activists (and allies) to take.